On the Divinity of Tissue Paper

i understand you wanting to always help. lots of people are like that. im not sure why, i shouldnt predent to know why. so i dont.

but heres the thing. you do it becuase it makes you feel good.

i wont get into to the entanglement of selfishness. theres no need to bother an easy mind.

but you do it because it makes you feel good.

but im going to do it, beucase whats fun is fun but done is done.

things have to get done. you gotta doit what you gotta doit.

heres my reasoning.

see, you had a happy life, as did everyone you knew. well moderately happy.

and then i came along.

now your easy head is conscience laiden, and many you know are less happy than they were previously.

poor actions.

now i imagine youll apply the same context to yourself.

but look at it this way.

i was upset to begin with. and everyone i knew was moderately happy.

you come along.

and im more upset but everyone i know stays moderately happy.

clearly. my actions were more detrimental than your, see?

so we cant both be martyrs, though im certain youre trying. youre so good at it, sometimes i cant be sure if youre really being nice, or just dont care. but then i remember you, remember the things youve said, and i know better. you woulda had even me, but well, id do the same thing. i can see it.

but we cant just ramble tongiht. we should find a solution, of some sorts

i cant let you do the martyr thing. itll just eat you up.

besides you improve the quality of life for jeff and adam, and i think even john might be happier having you hang with them. and i think its even good fro you, i hope. so you need to stay

but at least if you were the marytr you wouldnt have to see me and tehrefore be better
damn

i could die. but that might make you sad. besides, theres no progress.

i want to go to russia, but thats impossible. little progress. unlikely. stupid

fuck. my head isnt workign right enough to figure this out.

maybe if i write a book and get rich. and get to russia. and stuff stuff stuff stuff.