while crawling away from god, i have never felt so swell, heeeeeee-eeeee-eeee-ey
i have this tendency to want to rhyme, i never understood why exactly. but i think i figured out how to write this right.
right.
honestly is teh right word. i think you knew i think you knoew what it was al about i think you understand more than the rest of us. they say consciousness might not be to process teh world, but to not process the world. theres just oo much and you saw it all.
you saw it all and died for it, died so no one else would have to. they still die, but yours wasnt in vain. i think i know that no thought was put in to this. did you believe in fate? i dont know, id like to think that you didnt either. but i know yours was worse than mine. we all have a cross to bear, it might be bias, but i think not having a cross is teh hardest one to bear.
i wonder waht it was like, how long it took.
but these arent the right thoght. not the correct ones. there are distractions now, i cant say it like i thouhgt it. thats unfrotunate. but then again, many thigns are.
the impoortant ones, are that you did good. you were good.
i remember spilt water. and loud refridgerators, i remember cold steal, and oragne light in a dark room. functioning clocks that then thought, and lying floors. i rememebr them. i remember dark nights. i remember rocks that were thrown and never deserved it. i remember my hate for them, and when it all that i was, i remember that laughter, i remember hearing it and not knowing where it was cmoing from. and when i realized where, i remember it scaring me. i remember it terrifying me. i rememebr wanting it to stop more than i ever wanted anything else. but it didnt.
i remember you were hear. unless of course im wrong. but ithtink you were. i had a rock, you werent it, but now i can see you were at the time.
its not fair that you didnt have a rock. it is not fair that you lived and died for each with them, and you never knew their names. never for, but with. and maybe thats better. im sorry for throwiung you, im sorry for throwiung you and not me, sorry that its all in vain now. whats fun is fun but done is done.
there was never any need for transitions i dont know what it was like, i think i can akin to it, but i couldnt say for sure. i think it was similar, but you were really alone. no one left. and their had to be pennance, doesnt there? you had no jesus you had no elvis, you had no cobain
and thtas no fair. but heres what it comes down to, heres the scoop. good.
i dont know if i believe in god, but i hope for your sake there is. i hope you go to heaven. i want it so bad.
either way, i hipe in that place. when the candle fades and the light flickers. when it tires its hardest to still li ve the the weight of atlas comes down upon it. i hope after that. i hope inthe grey and black. i hope in the luod and quiet, dark and light, pain and desire, you hear this.
it as never vain. you are good. and you did not desrvvet this
if i oculd i would have helped. i would have held you. i would have felt your skin on mine and reminded you that people are peiple so why should it be? that you and i should get along so awfully. i no you have never felt so swell. lies. i would have wanted to remind you. id have taken it for you, but you are better than me, buecase i would have hoped you didnt ask. its too late now, my words are in vain, but yours arent.
for all the people. for all the fridges, and orange/yellow lights, for all the spilt plastic cups of water on linloioum floors, you are there.
you helped. you sacved. even if no one saved you.
im soryr, and i thank you. that now, i might not share the same fate.
please. let it be good. let you know youre good,. please.
