On the Divinity of Tissue Paper

i wanted to take a walk today, damn the heat. damn arizona for still being freaking hot, damn it all to hell. well im feeling pretty good. like, good. yay for that. its not there yet, but im starting to wonder if it isnt possible to have a boyfriend but still accomplish that feeling of self contentment for my life that i usually have when i have no interest in anyone. if it is well then super. if it isnt, well then whatever, being married and in love isnt all there is to life. i feel like my older self today, its kind of a nice feeling. i think it stems from me desire to wanna take a walk, hell even my desire to wanna blog. on top of that im looking at a stephen king book on the floor and i wanna read it.

 

guilty confession. im dating justin, and i do actaully like him now. im fairly certain of that ;). but at the same time, i cant help but think about stevie =|

its stupid cuz hes a junior, i have a boyfriend, im sure hes more desirable than i realize ((and therefore would have no interest in me)), i have a great boyfriend, and. well really thats it. its nothing, seriosuly. thinking about him this way reminds me of how i thought of justin right before latvia. i didnt even remember feeling this way till i read old blog posts. i reiterated my dislike for him but menitoned the fact that he seems the type id go for if the opportunity presented itself. if i was not dating justin then thats how i guess id feel about stevie, the type i might go for, if i was not  going out with a great guy already. so this really isnt important in the slightest.

actaully it might be good i feel this way. i guess its cuz it makes me feel like im on equal ground with him now. i, by complete fault of my own, tend to put myself below people im interested in. i convince them and myself that I am the lucky one becase they even gave me a second glance and not the other way around. and i wouldnt even want it to be the other way around. id prefer both of us to be equally greatful for the others company. but like always i think ive convinced justin that hes the one lowering his standard to be with me. maybe he is, in the eyes of the masses. but ive rarely given a damn about the masses and ive decided that i dont want anyone to feel theyve lowered their standards for me, and if they do then i don wanna be with them because that means theyre stuck up. now i dont know if justin actaully feels this way, but im fairly sure he does. like he might go around thinking “i could go out with that girl and that girl and that girl and that girl… arent you lucky ashley i chose you?” but the fact is he is with me, and even if i dont tell him i find stevie attractive, i feel more on level being able to feel the way about other people that i know he feels. like with him and whitney; if he wasnt with me, he might be with her. well if i hadnt tried for justin (actaully i never really did try, i sorta fell into that one :D), i woulda tried for stevie. thats all this is. i think i need to stop belittling myself and make him happy to be with me. make him realize  that i hold myself in some sort of reguard. maybe i could kill two birds with one stone and actaully hold myself in some regard??? it could work… whos to say?

ventura highway in the sunshine where the days are longer the nights are stronger than moonshine, youre gonna go i knowowowoowowowwo, cuz the free wind is blowing though your hair and the days surround your daylight dare seansons crying no dispair now the daylight gaters are in the air in the air, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do…sorry boy but ive been hit by a purple rain-

now stevie aside, im looking forward to tonight *knowing inward grin* i went through a lot of work/pain to look good he better damn well appreciate it. hmm so there is a fear, and i dont wanna voice it cuz its my fear that somehow my mother knows this website exsists and reads my life. but im going to anyways, i wanna be able to reflect back on my 17 year old life when im 30 so this place exsists for me and no one else damnit. so should you stumble across it, go away and write about your own life, its rather nice.

 

anyways, so teh fear is this; i know hed like a blow job, boys are none to subtle. i know that im sure in his mind he thinks if he goes down on me first then id return the favor. this sucks for two main reasons, primarily; the idea of anyone going down on me disgusts, frightens, and embarrasses me. no way in hell i want that from him and no way id say yes. now as far as going down on him? well, i havent decided. it doesnt repulse me as does the idea of him going down on me. i wanted more time to decide this. but i know im gonna have to make a decision soon. tongiht ill stall and just wont do anything. but once hes made a move for it either way i can only delay for like two weeks max until i give a definite answer either way. why do i think hes gonna make a move now? well that goes back to why i am in pain…. hahahaha so for my 30 year old self to remember… waxing, then using nair, then shaving in under 24 hours is a VERY VERY VERY VERY bad idea… ouch, just ouch. lets reflect for a moment on why i would do this to myself-

 so were in teh car, talking and what not. somehow we start talkin about how i wanna get lazer hair removal, from the waist down. and hes like really? i noticed you dont really shave (refering to my crotch, incase your slow) and i respond with, yes i do, just not like everything. and hes like yeah thats what i mean, youre the only girl ive ever met who doesnt. *stunned silence* me: what????!!????? him:every girl ive ever been with has *makes a rather long list of girls who shave completely* he goes on to say, “yeah it kinda through me off the first time; i thought about going down on you before but….yeah…” so now im utterly mortified go home and do this pain to myself. NOT because i want him to go down on me, but because i dont wanna feel like a fool anymore either. but honestly, i think its sorta gross. its all coarse, STUPID looking, the only advantage is if you were going down on the girl.

 this takes us up to present day im in pain and i now have more razor burn than hair in certain places… the only problem is telling him nooooooo. id feel akward if i had to say, “yeah lets not do this…” there is no moral obligation there, except for whoa, id only be a half virgin, i didnt even think about that… and he’ll know there is no moral obligation so my reasoning would be unclear. heres the deal. i think it would feel really really good. i think id enjoy it very much. only thing is,not with him… and how could i explain that to him!??!?! its just id have to be more comfortable with the perosn, more of a bond there. feeling something closer to love instead of luke warm feelings of tolerance/like. plus id feel embarrassed. i only want a guy to go down on me if he wants to. otherwise im agraid theyd be all grossed out and yeah. so no, just no.

i dunno if i ever put this into writing, but ive decided i dont think im gonna be one of those who waits till marriage for sex or sexual acts. i know this is brekaing my dear old mums heart but heres how it is. its not a slut decision; its not kalyn just wanting the experience. its me being mature enoguh to realize what i want and how i want it and who i want it from. ie this oral sex thing. yes, physically i want it, but im smart enough to know myself enogh to know that i dont want it now or from justin. i think its important to be able to analyize what im feeling for someone else and do things taht arent incredibly chaste if its an indication of how i feel about him. that way i dont get to wrapped up in someone and end up doing somethign stupid like have sex and be emotionally crippled. id rather have a little fun, do a little bit of experimenting, but know my own limits and boundaries. i dont let myself get pushed into anything and i dont decide anythign in the haste and momentum of feeling. i dont want to regret things; that means doing things i wasnt ready for and not doing things i was read for.  this is how im justifying anythign between me and justin. maybe its not the pious decision but its a healthy one. its been thought out. its how i feel and you cant change my mind. i use to be agraid my mother would read this and find this out about me, but frankly it would be a bit of a relief if she did. i wish i had bries and her moms relationship where there all open about htis. her mother doesnt judge her and just wants her to have thought out what she does before she does it so she doesnt get hurt. and look at brie, shes only ever just kissed a boy for the first time. my mom thinks if you give a child freedom theyll automatically abuse it, but its worked fairly well for brie…. i wish i could discuss this with her, especially since i think im more like her than she would like to admit. maybe she just doesnt wanna admit what she is herself. i dunno. but she was having sex at 16, not somethign i want to do. but she was not playing the perfect catholic girl. if i acted all chaste like sarah then thats just what i would be doing acting. everyones different, i dunno. i feel good about the decisions ive made and i guess even if i do disappoint many people in the end im the only person who has to face my own reflection in the mirror, and if see it and like it, what does it matter what other people think? this is part of the reason why i want to be 18. for some reason someoe dubbed that the magic number. right now my mom reads this she freaks out and makes me break up with justin, in 9 months when im 18 she reads it and decides im old enough to make my own decisions. but frankly, 18 is just a number. you cant let the governement decide when you child is an adult, as a parent you should be able to know when you child can think for themselves. whether anyone wants to concede to the fact or not i know i can think for myself. if i have to wait for my 18th birthday to exercize that right, then fine, but id rather they just know me enough to know i know what i am ready for.

 wow that was longer than i intended it to be.

well yeah, in a nut shell that has radioactively grown super sized, there you have it.

whlep there is pot roast down stairs so im gonna go tend to it

mmmmmmm

 

in confidence

ashley

i was in a fairly smillie mood today :). so got up at 7, took the lady for a short walk and i think that sorta set the mood for the day. anyways, picked justin up at 945 went to grads photography. there was a quick process, and it wasnt a completely awufl picture. then we went to atomic comic, then the guitar center, neither of those places were bad. we hit up a toys r us again, then toy anxiety. then we went to savers and that was when it started going great. we had a sword fight and got yelled at. then we went to the kmart across the street and raced in there. then we went and got lunch at in n out. just a darn fun day. im feeling rather good about the whole thing as of right now. maybe this can work

 

ashleyyyy

its september 20. two months. twwooooooo monnnnnnths. i never thought it would last this long. and heck its even going pretty well. better than it use to be. which im pretty glad about. he might make me a card i sorta hope he does. itd be nice to see him do that, because i know thats how he shows he cares. how do i know? thats the sorta stuff he did with pam 24/7. ive come to realize that he started this out not holding back; i can tell because he use to draw me little pictures all the time and call every night. and i was still getting use to him so im sure it seemed as though none of that went over very well. but the fact is i loved when he did stuff like that, i just wasnt sure how to respond. ive worried slightly that he might never be fully himself and do that stuff because i was always so stand offish in the past, but if im hoping if he makes me a card, it will symbolize him being more himself

 

gosh its 615 in the mornign and i wanna fall alseeeeeeeep. if it were later in the year, i might just sleep in and say screw school. its sooo tempting. theres so much work to do today. so much work everyday. its all stacking up on me. getting a job and a bf at the same time was a bad idea. its wayyyyyy tooooooo much to balance. not on its own, but combined with school, family, friends, college. yeah, its getting to be quite the load.

 ill barely even see him today i work and he works, prolly till like 11. yuck. yesterday i even surprised myself a little. i missed him a lot and just wanted to see him and talk to him. i initiated text messages ((that never happens)) and just acted more like myself. wished him a happy national talk like a pirate day. then argued that kwanaza wasnt a holiday and that a tree doesnt make a noise if  it falls in the woods. this saturday, if i have time, ill ask that he make pudding with me and watch transformers. well make the little individual pies so he can take some home to his family. sounds fun anyways. so i think i should do it. make some sorta card when i come home today, maybe even get my picture dvd

 

sleepily yet contentidly yours,

shlee

okay im happy about this. so i was gonna come to write on here cuz i was terribly bored and had nothing better to do with my time. only then justin started texting me and told me to wear something sexy when i come to pick him up todau and that has cheered me up. and this isnt even whats really exciting me. whats exciting me is that all day when i get a text or someones calling me im hoping its him instead of dreading the possibility that it could be him. which means im more firm in my resolve of liking him. plus im getting jealous of random girls instead of not caring if they show interest. but im letting go ofmy fears about pam. its like ive just gotten to the point where im like whatever. does he still love her, yeah probably. but you know what, that just means I am doing something wrong. i should be able to fill his head to the point where there is no room to think about her. so i guess im just gonna work on being more myself, have more fun with him, put in more effort, think of more fun things to do. just stop being a chicken all the time. like ive always wanted to rent the movie transformers and call him over and make him make pudding with me, but ive never actually done it cuz i was always afraid hed think it was dumb or something. i should just do it and if he does think im done, then whatever, that just goes to show we shouldnt be together. but so far it hasnt come to that, so why should i be so worried? i shouldnt. plus other outside pressures have taken away the time ive hadto stress about this. my computer is wigging out, i might have to leave. its getting better. im so excited to see him now. yay for me! its a new emotion for me to be really excited just to see him. but i am

 

okay im gonna go be productiveeeeee. yuck. adios todos

 

:)shleebeee

okay im happy about this. so i was gonna come to write on here cuz i was terribly bored and had nothing better to do with my time. only then justin started texting me and told me to wear something sexy when i come to pick him up todau and that has cheered me up. and this isnt even whats really exciting me. whats exciting me is that all day when i get a text or someones calling me im hoping its him instead of dreading the possibility that it could be him. which means im more firm in my resolve of liking him. plus im getting jealous of random girls instead of not caring if they show interest. but im letting go ofmy fears about pam. its like ive just gotten to the point where im like whatever. does he still love her, yeah probably. but you know what, that just means I am doing something wrong. i should be able to fill his head to the point where there is no room to think about her. so i guess im just gonna work on being more myself, have more fun with him, put in more effort, think of more fun things to do. just stop being a chicken all the time. like ive always wanted to rent the movie transformers and call him over and make him make pudding with me, but ive never actually done it cuz i was always afraid hed think it was dumb or something. i should just do it and if he does think im done, then whatever, that just goes to show we shouldnt be together. but so far it hasnt come to that, so why should i be so worried? i shouldnt. plus other outside pressures have taken away the time ive hadto stress about this. my computer is wigging out, i might have to leave. its getting better. im so excited to see him now. yay for me! its a new emotion for me to be really excited just to see him. but i am

 

okay im gonna go be productiveeeeee. yuck. adios todos

 

:)shleebeee

it felt like fall or winter today even though it very much isnt, i wish it was. i miss fall. i cant wait till its here, last year was such a crummy fall, perhaps this one will be better. perhaps indeed. i wanna go star watching tonight. maybe i will, must take my leave, miv wants the computer

so i dont know what im gonna write, didnt really give ti much thought, but i had a lot of fun tonight. we got together and YAY we did the talking thing. im even smiling as i write this. im finaly feeling alrght about this. im actaully not stressing. like all day at work i wasnt even thinking about him, which i thoght was odd, but i was like whatever. but since i wasnt thinking about him i wasnt stressing and not stresssing worked nicely and i was able to just be normal. fun right? i thought so anyways. so i totally need to do my hickman homework, only i dont wanna. grrrr. im thbut im thinking about him now, and damn him its making me right horny. ycuk im also on the verge of being madddd sick. i can feel it in my chest and back and ahhhhh. this sucks im gonna be sick over the weekend =/

okay back to him… mmmmmmm….i think im staying home tomorrow. yeah good plan, im just blahhhhhh

 

night all

so im in a good mood today. reading myspace bulletins, ((58 things girls dont know about guys)) heres my conclusion. there is no quick fix for the inside track to a guys mind. and visa versa. you cant get tips on how to make a relationship strong. there is no secret. no one can just tell us what is we need to no. no magic word solves your problem. i think we should all stop looking for it. one of the largest problems is the way we think of people. black, white, mexican, asian, or what have you. thats bad, but there are those who try to improve and ”dont see color” good for them. but still, we all see people at the very least as man, woman. i think the problem is we dont need to look at ppl even like that. why cant we all just be people? instead of seeing people who arent like us as a mystery why not accept that they most likely are like us.  just treat them like you would want to be treated. do the same things you would want to be done, dont do the things you would take offense to. now dont take it too literaly, a guy will give a girl flowers but that doesnt mean he wants her to give him a bunch of lillies. but the idea is he did something spontaneous and nice for you, its a surpirse and it will make you smile. so why not do somethign along those lines for him? if it makes you happy, chances are it will make him happy.you shouldnt group all guys together as insensitive and all girls together as very overly  sensitive. people are just people. some guys will be emotional some girls wont. just find a perosn of the opposite sex who is semi-similar to you, enough to the point where you could spend time with them and have fun. this isnt the key  or soem secret. its common sense. what it comes down to is every person is unique, find out what you need to know about them from them, not from magazines which give you “101 great tips to a healthy relationship”, “50 thigns shes not telling you”, “99 secrets he wont admit to”. just find someoen. make the effort to get to know them (yes its more difficult than reading a magazine, but hell, it actaully works), then dedicate yourself to spending time together. after a while, (i speak on the basis of assumption, ive never actaullly put this into play) im pretty sure you’ll feel like you do know him, at least the basics, and what you dont know about him you can find out more easily since you now have a foundation. with that accomplished its not gonna be dedicating time to spend iwth him its gonna come natural and youre gonna wanna be with that person. but that dedication doesnt go away. you always got to keep it up just as you always gotta keep learning things about the person your with. you can never know everything about someone and you’ll never have to not work at a relationship. so be willing to put in that time and effort to make somethign good. and i think thats about it. thanks all.

that whore sarah g. she s–t–o–l–e those lyrics and put them on her myspace. then had to kill them with stupid uneeded incorrectly placed grammar signs. como

ill show you [mine]

if you show me [yours]

first

 

its retarded. allow me to educate the masses. the way with poems and lyrics is that the words are construed in such a way as to be made meaning full and, damn im at a loss for atriculation which doesnt happen that often. but imagine wth me, maybe its that song that really means somethign to you, maybe its a different song, but just imagine that feeling you get when you hear it played. i could be in the middle of a huge crowd but i would still feel detached from everyone and everythign if that song began playing. so if you have something that already holds deep meaning why do you need to “improve” upon it ((make it look cooler)) by adding stupid backslashes, brackets or what have you. its only for appearance. thats the only gain you could have to jazzing up lyrics for a picture caption. but there are things like this that should under no circumstances ever be concerened with skin deep appearances. it goes back to the fact that its jazzing it up. why cant we let things stand on their own? why do we have to make them better? why cant we just leave things that are beautfiul alone??

 

i havent the slightest idea why people, even myself at times, cant, but im sure it would behoove us all to try everyonce in a while.

 

i dont really have a lot to say tonight. i wish i had blogged the other night. it was good stuff.

 

gold jerry, GOLD!

 

maybe i’ll come back and write about my iridescence, authorship, and sparks in enternal ebony, maybe not… i dunno

okay, some self realizations to start. i did have self esteem problems. i dont think its ever been somethign ive addressed but frankly, ive never felt good enough and that i should constantly be striving to be something that i can see now is impossible to be. not perfect, not even i am the idealistic, but i wanted to please everyone at the same time. i might not be able to fool anyone but i have realized that i can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all the time, but never all the people all the time. so yes, i have said it, dont expect me to say it again. mainly because i think such a thing is in the past. and yes, i will credit it to justin. i cant understand the fact that i can be good enough as is, and im not trying to, accepting it seems like a pretty huge step to me. so again, i dont know why, but he makes me feel like its okay to be the way i am. with chris, i felt i had to do things to make up for not being good enough. and in the end it just reinforced the idea that i never would be. the fact that justin would be with me and ask nothing astounds me. never have i known a guy whos request is simply the pleasure of my company; its so foreign to me. all of this is foreign to me. i think its becuase im am so unfamiliar with any of this that i was so unsure at the start ((as should be seen from the earlier posts)) i could never decide how i felt or what i wanted. this seems to make sense to me as when i am somewhere new i am my most unconfident.

but there was a noticable change. i can remember cleary times when i thought we got along great and times when i felt we didnt get along at all ((again refer to past entries)). i think the worst time for us was right before we watched saving silverman. we were watching the movie, i had been feeling incredibly uneasy for quite a while, and he obviously sensed it. hence the quesiton, “what do i mean to you?” i remember he said somethign vaguely that he was unsure about how i felt towards him. i didnt tell him anythign that had been bothering me lately, but just saying out loud that he was important to me made me feel incredibly relieved. it must have changed something for him too, the rest of that day was just so incredibly fun. i loved everythign about it. physically we started to click more than ever before (recall the tradition of the song “my dirt little secret”). but something changed that meant so much more .for me the hard part of a relationship is getting to that comfort zone. being able to have fun from nothing and just being happy with the person your wtih, no worrying about it, no stress. for most people its having those in depth conversations that mean the most; but ive never had a problem with that, i could talk to anyone about anything that meant something. its all of those little nothigns that actaully mean something to me. we talked, we screwed around, wrestled, listened to music, laughed over the stuff in his room. all such little things that are pointless to anyone else but its important to me. after that i really felt that everythign he had said was real. before it just seemed like something people would say to make me “feel better” but i really started believing him when he said he cared about me after that. by proxy, i accepted (even if i didnt understand it) that im an alright person as is. it had never happened before, it feels pretty nice.

so things are going good, but its still unfamiliar and i became unsure again. i knew how he felt about me, but i couldnt trust him enough to think that he even knew completely how he felt. hence again a period of time when i felt we werent clicking, this was right before the game. then at the game my oh so common stupidity rose to the surface and i ended of being a bit of a bitch. i dont mean to really, and what i said was true. i say sht so often it doesnt seem to matter becuase no one takes a damn thing i say seriously. no one cares. it doesnt bother me, i just regaurded myself as a comic relief. hence my shock that i actaully hurt somebody. i apologized, i dont know if he realizes how bad i felt; why can i always say the wrost things to the people i woudl never wanna hurt? just my talent i guess. so yes, im thoughts are basically, i suck at life, this is going no where, it should end, we dont mesh, why have i been so stupid? these thoughts had been frequent and of course upsetting. now i think it was that night, 99% sure, but we watched the movie, gosh i dont even remember, i feel asleep half way through =P. but then i took him home. end night, but at least i was feeling a bit better. then on saturday night i saw him for 20 minutes at his work. and we conversed!  now i had felt for quite a while that we didnt do this enough or to an extent that would make sense. i sometimes felt that conversation with him was forced and sometimes even awkward. if there is noting i hate more its forced conversation with awkward silences. but that night, for we just sat on the couch and talked smoothly. nothign incredible, but it put me in a good mood. then we got together later that night at walmart ((follow tradition)). but i had a good night. simply on behalf of that conversation at the tanning salon. church the next day was so much fun. i love that atmosphere now, i always feel like we connect more when were there together. i think a lot has to do with the fact that we know the same people, which is pretty important ive come to find. i dunno any of his friends and find myself, (to my own disgust) terribly shy. but at church we know all the same people and its just fun messing around and having a good time. i hung out with him there for maybe an hour and a half afterwards and was pretty content for the day. i think it was that night or maybe monday im not sure. but we got together that night. tradition. and later we were just talking in the car. i dont remember what about but it was so easy, so casual, felt so right. my dad had to call twice to get me to come home =P. to think he was worried i was having “too much fun” and it was true, i was. only, i was havng innocent fun. my family doesnt give me enough credit to not be a slut =/ (((faith in him)))

by tuesday i was the happiest i had ever been with him. things were clicking, it made sense, we had stuff in common; yes, i was feeling good. then damnit, he called me tuesday night. usually i would be happy that we could have an hour and half conversation, over the phone no less, and i would have been, had it not been about pam and what i felt were my short comings. that put me in a bad sort of states. i came to the conclusion that me and pam were exact opposites. that justin and pam were more or less the same person. that he loved most how much they had in common. that if you hold back in a relationship you doom it. that i held back all the time. so overall consensus? i suck at life and there is no chance for me being happy with justin.

i must come back to this later

im back. so 

 then the week went by from here and there is more to write since obviously more has passed. well now its tuesday, a week since the destructive converstation. i still feel as though were recovering from it, lol. but at least its gotten better. it got progressively worse for a while, making what i had planned to write moot. friday was the worst

“youre pretty quiet today”

“YOURE DAMN RIGHT IM QUIET!!!” (mental thought)

outward? “yeah, a few ppl have told me that today”

we hung out friday and watched donnie darko, a little bit better. phsically anyways =S

then hung out saturday, a bit better, i was happier with our watching super troopers, we screwed around and had some fun

didnt see each other sunday, he had a concert. but then monday we spent a lot of time together and thats the closest weve gotten to being normal again

monday we first rented the outsiders, had fun watching that. did the bonding thing sorta. then we rented “just friends” tradition…

i dont feel happy about yesterday though =/

i use to get excited everytime i we spent a bonding day together. now i dont. does that mean i dont like him? no… i dont htink so. most of all i think its stupid to waste my time on such trivial thoughts. expecially when i must go fetch him from school, right now…

 adios amores

 the only sign i have that i really like him is that i get sad feeling whenever i see pam or think about her. im jealous. not of her, but of what they had. i guess i feel like now there is this glass celing. it looks like we could achieve the same closeness that he and pam had, but for whatever reason i know that despite it being apparently invisible there is a plate of glass there and even if i try to get to the top i will only succeed in hitting my head on the glass celing. ouch.

maybe i can get over this idea? i certainly hope so. i have some hope for these reasons.

a.) jen never thought she could really really like charles, only now she does. it took 4 months, but she does really like him

b.) the song lyrics i just heard “The sea was red and the sky was grey, Wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today.”

….i wonder how, but inevitably it does, so perhaps it works for this as well?

c.) i think given time i could really get along with his family and i think he already gets along pretty well with mine (i dunno why thats important, but it seems like its gotta be)

d.) i want to kill the glass celing so therefore i want to be with him so therefore i like him

e.) i dont feel completely comfortable around him, not even all that close and im pretty sure thats a vice versa thing. this shouldny be a reason for me thinking i could over come my enemy the glass celing, however, it does mean that there is the potential to improve, no?

 

 

…i just need to, um, stop caring and let things happen naturally? wasnt that my first plan?

life is only spark in eternal ebony, i cant afford to waste it.

 

but im still stuck wondering just how high up till i hit my head on the confounded glass celing…. i guess the only way is to just go till i crack my head, right? well, you cant expect to live life without ever smacking your head on something. lol, its bound to happen to someone like me eventually, prolly quite frequently, knowing me.

 

shlee, or whatever suits you best :) 

qotd~”so just how far down do you wanna go, well we could talk it over a cup of joe and you could look deep into my eyes like i was a supermodel, uh-huh”